Disney and DirecTV Both Suck

I grew up in the suburbs of Atlanta, played football as a child, and developed a love for the sport that combines strength, speed, dexterity, strategy and teamwork. In many ways, I consider American Football to be the perfect sport. If only it weren’t for the concussions, but let’s not digress.

No matter where I live, I always try to connect with my teams in anyway possible. When we lived in South America, we were among the first to get a DirecTV satellite dish in our area. I had to help the technicians figure out where to point the dish (they were that new). Of course, most of the programming was in Spanish, but there were several shows in English with Spanish subtitles. Yes, the family learned Spanish by watching “Friends.”

Anyway, I was also able to watch ESPN and the kids could watch The Disney Channel. As we moved to different countries in Latin America and Europe, figuring out ways to watch shows and movies was always a challenge. For a while we would download torrents using sites like Limewire the ThePirateBay. Do you remember those? Here’s a little-known fact in the U.S.; foreign governments (especially in poorer countries) are not overly concerned about copyright infringement of Hollywood millionaires. You could buy pirated DVDs in the streets of most Latin American countries. In fact, there was a store – a full blown store – selling pirated xbox and wii games just down the street from us.

We used these vendors not because we were trying to rip anyone off, but rather because there were no payable options available. VPNs were just becoming a thing, and many countries had restricted access to U.S. entertainment websites. When available, we paid – like our DirecTV satellite dish - even though our English viewing options were limited. We watched a lot of “Friends.”

This brings us to now. I have been a DirecTV customer for well over a decade. Sometimes it was not available (like when we lived in Europe). However, once back in the states for a time, I resubscribed. I recently moved and left the old service in my adult son’s name so he can watch in Florida. Now they are streaming. It’s simply an app you can put on your smart TV, phone, or computer. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty awesome. Or rather, it WAS awesome. I don’t watch television much, just news and sports. I have other services for movies and shows (like Netflix, Apple, & Max). Just over a week ago, I got the same message millions of DirecTV customers got on 25 of the channels they carry.

Isn’t it nice they way they place all the blame on Disney? Well, I decided that I had to get a different service to watch football (whose season is just starting). So I signed up for FUBO. I made the decision to cancel my DirecTV – I have been a customer for the greater part of 18 years (maybe longer, I can’t remember). This is where things get interesting.

So, on Saturday morning, I had College GameDay on ESPN playing on the TV (using FUBO) while I logged into my DirecTV account on the computer. I began by trying to find the “cancel my service” option. You would think that I was looking for the lost treasure of Blackbeard or something. It was so well hidden, I had to use the Help menu with the magnifying glass to find it. Eventually I found a link with very small text that said “cancel…” So, I clicked it. End of story right? No, no, no, this is closer to the beginning than the end. I am then taken to a screen telling me how much they value me and such offering me an option to “pause” my service for one to six months. At the end of this offer were two buttons: “pause my service” or “chat with us.” So, in order to cancel, I was being required to chat with them. Determined, I clicked the “chat” option. A chat window popped up and informed me they were experiencing high volume and my estimated wait time was 14 minutes. ”Busy,” I thought, “No shit you’re busy. Millions are finding out that they can’t watch College GameDay.”

I went to the kitchen to fill my coffee cup and came back to the computer. College GameDay was on my television with my new FUBO service. I watched the show while waiting for the chat to begin. 14 minutes wasn’t horrible – just inconvenient. I simply wanted to cancel. Why not just let me? So after about 5 minutes or so, the chat window lights up. “Estimated wait time 15 minutes.” Apparently 14 minus 5 equals 15. Interesting.

The chat window was open, occupied by only me; however, I was able to type freely in the window while I waited. So, I did. Here are some of the things I typed, “WTF? Why are you making me wait to chat with someone to cancel?”; “This is customer service?”; “Since when is 14 minutes greater than 15 minutes?”; “Do you know how clocks work?”; etc.

Five minutes later, I get another message, “Estimate wait time 16 minutes.” This was met by me scurrilously typing out another flurry of messages similar to the first batch. Five minutes later, I finally got a message that ticked in the right direction: “Estimated wait time 15 minutes.” This positive sign sent me going back to the kitchen for a celebratory cup of coffee. Come to think of it, more coffee is probably not exactly what I needed.

It takes me about 1 minute to get coffee, but upon my return there is a different message in my chat window, “Hello, my name is Deepika, how may I help you today?” The message is time-stamped less than one minute after the message that said the estimated wait time was 15 minutes. “Good think I didn’t get in the shower,” I thought.

What follows is about 15 minutes of my explaining that I want to cancel, and Deepika trying to mollify me and steer me into simply pausing or continuing with the service with $20 off per month until the Disney-owned services are restored. This was painful, but what comes next REALLY set me off.

Finally convinced that I wanted to cancel, Deepika informed me that by terminating my subscription early, I was liable for up to $480 in early termination fees (ETF). That’s right. They were going to charge me to quit. According to Deepika, I signed up for a 2-year contract (unbeknownst to me) when I clicked those boxes accepting the service. This was all news to be because I signed up on the phone and was clearly told I could end the service at any time. The nice rep failed to mention any ETFs at that time.

“So, would you prefer to just pause your subscription?” I could sense a smirk coming from Deepika even though we were in a chat window online. I wondered if he was incentivized to keep customers. Surely, they were overwhelmed with cancelations. I questioned whether I was actually in a contract, and I asked Deepika to show me where I agreed to these terms. After some time, he eventually provided me with a link to a webpage explaining the ETF, but I do not remember such information being available to me at the time I signed up – SINCE IT WAS ON THE PHONE! He could not tell me when or where I agreed to the terms. Clicking end user agreements online to get services have a questionable history of enforceability in the U.S. courts.

“No,” I replied, “Even if there was a contract, DirecTV is in breach of contract, not I. They have failed to provide the services they sold me. I will not pay.” Deepika apologized for the inconvenience many times, and said that is why they were offering the $20 discount. I then asked him to tell me all the channels that were now missing due to the Disney dispute. He listed 7 including Disney, ESPN, and Freeform. I did a quick search online while chatting and found there were actually 25 channels missing. Deepika was being deliberately deceptive and attempting to downplay the affect of the blackout.

Of course, I am watching College GameDay this whole time I am attempting to get Deepika to waive any ETF because DirecTV is not delivering according to their promise. I even attempted to bond, “Look, I know that Disney is blackmailing DirecTV right now. They know the football season is starting and its popularity in the U.S. is immense. I will come back to DirecTV after this is settled, but you must treat me properly. I have been a customer for over 15 years!” None of this counted. Apparently DirecTV can fail to provide services for every channel you watch, but you are not entitled to drop the service without penalties. Obviously, the customer service representatives are not empowered to do anything about it even if they were inclined to help you out. Deepika insisted that I was going to be charged the ETF automatically at the end of my current month if I canceled. Do I still want to cancel?

“Yes, I said, please cancel.”

“Ok, and you accept that you will be charged the ETF?”

“No,” I said, “I do not authorize DirecTV to charge me an ETF. Any attempt to do so will be treated as fraud, and I reserve the right to pursue legal action.”

“I cannot cancel unless you approve the ETF.”

“THAT’S NOT LEGAL, DEEPIKA.” I never authorized the ETF, but he insisted it would be charged at the end of my billing month.

Well, that’s all I needed to know. The end of my current month was 5 days away. I was pretty sure I was going to lose my card on file and need to get a replacement card with a new number before then.